Well, it's almost a month to the day when I last felt like this. "This" being that I am done. I have many great reasons to keep on going but it's getting damn hard. Yeah, I know, life is hard -yada yada yada - but I'm truly feeling as though I can't do this anymore. Shit gets busy, unreasonable and distracting, and it's eats away at the things that are most important. I miss my family and I'm stuck between a combination of wanting to and needing to be with them, always. I'm sure most people would like to be with their family 24/7, but for me, I know my daughter needs me. I gotta say that she is the main reason I keep doing what I do and push and push myself to be great. I don't think I am though.
I wish I understood why I doubt myself so much - it being the pain that brews day in and day out - forever consuming. It overtakes everything. I can feel it now. Judging. My head is fighting with itself and I need to shut down the naysayer. Ok, I think the good guy is working his way back on top. Man, I must sound crazy right now, hah!
This is good. Daughter is asleep. Wifey is at the gym. I'm sitting here in my study tapping away. I know what I want to do, although I know what I have to do. I want to eat (dinner) & play PS4 (FIFA 17) and watch TV (Walking Dead) or study (I'm learning how to create basic Android Apps). I must finish my training presentation for tomorrow night, catch up on emails, and start on a huge excel file.
Priorities right!? Nights should be for me (and my family), but sometimes that little extra efforts go a long way. Compromise and prioritise; Plan & carry-out; Do and just do it well - this is the way it's been. And, it's been working well, but it sucks when it impacts my family. It's possible that I feel this way because I'm not in control. I can't organise myself because I'm busy with other people's priorities. Tomorrow will be the 11th day of October and I haven't even started the basics of my role for the month. I'm dreading opening my laptop right now, but I know I have to. I must limit it. Emails are other people's problems right? Haha. Nope. Well maybe, sometimes.
Alright, writing helps big time. Or was it the rum & dry? Either way, I'm off to eat dinner, finish my presentation, look at and action 10 emails maximum and then watch my shows.
Thanks for listening Blogger. :)
