Monday, 10 October 2016

Thinky Thoughts - 10th October 2016

Well, it's almost a month to the day when I last felt like this.  "This" being that I am done.  I have many great reasons to keep on going but it's getting damn hard.  Yeah, I know, life is hard -yada yada yada - but I'm truly feeling as though I can't do this anymore.  Shit gets busy, unreasonable and distracting, and it's eats away at the things that are most important.  I miss my family and I'm stuck between a combination of wanting to and needing to be with them, always.  I'm sure most people would like to be with their family 24/7, but for me, I know my daughter needs me.  I gotta say that she is the main reason I keep doing what I do and push and push myself to be great. I don't think I am though.

I wish I understood why I doubt myself so much - it being the pain that brews day in and day out - forever consuming.  It overtakes everything.  I can feel it now.  Judging.  My head is fighting with itself and I need to shut down the naysayer.  Ok, I think the good guy is working his way back on top.  Man, I must sound crazy right now, hah!

This is good.  Daughter is asleep.  Wifey is at the gym.  I'm sitting here in my study tapping away.  I know what I want to do, although I know what I have to do.  I want to eat (dinner) & play PS4 (FIFA 17) and watch TV (Walking Dead) or study (I'm learning how to create basic Android Apps).  I must finish my training presentation for tomorrow night, catch up on emails, and start on a huge excel file.
Priorities right!?  Nights should be for me (and my family), but sometimes that little extra efforts go a long way.  Compromise and prioritise; Plan & carry-out; Do and just do it well - this is the way it's been.  And, it's been working well, but it sucks when it impacts my family.  It's possible that I feel this way because I'm not in control.  I can't organise myself because I'm busy with other people's priorities.  Tomorrow will be the 11th day of October and I haven't even started the basics of my role for the month.  I'm dreading opening my laptop right now, but I know I have to.  I must limit it.  Emails are other people's problems right? Haha. Nope. Well maybe, sometimes.

Alright, writing helps big time.  Or was it the rum & dry?  Either way, I'm off to eat dinner, finish my presentation, look at and action 10 emails maximum and then watch my shows.

Thanks for listening Blogger. :)